Song Parody: ‘The Abstainers’

By Élise Hendrick

If elected, well, you know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the one who’s got no time for you.
As an MP, well, you know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the one whose vote’s too good for you.
If you’re renting, you should know I’m probably,
I’m probably the one who’s getting rent from you.
You voted Labour, and you should know you’re gonna be
You’re gonna be the ones who get completely screwed.

CHORUS:
‘Cos I’d abstain 500 times
And then I’d abstain 500 more
Just to see your manky estate gentrified
And kick you out the door.

When a vote’s on, yes, you know I’ll never be
I’ll never, ever be the one who fights for you.
Stuck on workfare? Well, you know I’ll never be,
I’ll never be the one who sorts that out for you.
When you’re starving, ‘cos you know that’s what you’ll be
That’s what you’ll be after my mates and I are through,
Is when you’ll realise, when you’ll realise where I stand,
And where I stand’s with those who are exploiting you.

CHORUS

If you’ve got three kids, then you know I’m gonna be,
I’ll be the one who says ‘No benefits for you!’
When you’re sanctioned, well, you know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the one who’s glad they sanctioned you.
Get made redundant, and you know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the one who says the one to blame is you.
Not from round here? Well, you know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the one who’ll always scapegoat you.

‘Cos I’ll abstain 500 times,
And then I’ll abstain 500 more more,
Until you lot realise that I am shite
And chuck me out the door.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *